WiseBites Episode 17: Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home!

Eric Theodore Cartman, or more commonly known as Cartman is one of the world’s most beloved psychopaths. A character in the satirical Cartoon South Park, Cartman has become a symbol for the very worst that humanity has to offer. The ever angry, bigoted and narcissistic character experiences many extraordinary events in the quaint little mountain town of South Park. As he grows, he goes from merely being bitter, to being a fully fledged manipulative predator, often concocting highly intelligent but morally abhorrent plans in order to serve his own petty interests. His endeavors are often astoundingly successful, making him somewhat or a protagonist antagonist regardless of the fact that he is no redeemable qualities whatsoever.


One of the most obvious features of this character, is that he is the fat kid. His obesity and the fact that he is continually referred to as ‘fat ass’ could have contributed to his unsavoury nature. But his personality, no matter how flawed, is so very strong that it causes the majority of the events in the South Park series to be set in motion. One of his most common tropes is his harsh antisemitism against the Jewish kid Kyle for whom he holds an intense hatred. Kyle is known for making bets that Cartman’s mad schemes will fail, and when they succeed due to his pure and unadulterated ruthlessness, he ends up the loser, and counter intuitively is often the one punished for taking the role of the voice of reason. But like many psychopaths, Cartman actually possesses a large amount of native intelligence. Cartman especially has a talent for learning foreign languages.


But like many psychopathic businessmen and world leaders, Cartman has an extreme hatred for the poor. He often ridicules the oft killed child Kenny for being poor and continuously makes a mockery of the fact that his family requires welfare to live. If there is ever an awkward moment in a conversation, he will take the opportunity to quietly say “I hate you Kenny.” Again, like business psychopaths, Cartman has a natural talent for generating many nefarious get rich quick schemes, in which he malignantly and thoughtlessly rips people off, sometimes putting them in extreme physical danger for the sake of making more money.


Cartman is known to be extremely foul mouthed, but unlike his friends, he has none of the “underlying sweetness” of childhood. Instead he is proudly amoral and simply does not comprehend the meaning of remorse. Everything from his appearance, vocal tone to his sense of humour is vile, socially unacceptable and vulgar. His favourite form of comedy is toilet humour, represented by his favourite TV show The Terrence and Phillip show which revolves around flatulence. Even though he cares nothing for the feelings of other, he is very sensitive in regards to his own person. For example, he fervently denies that he is obese and will attempt to bring suffering upon anyone who refers to him is fat. This is indicated with his catchphrase “I’m not fat, I’m big boned.” He is so incensed by suggestions that he is overweight, that he has driven one character to suicide in revenge for her reference to his weight.


Like most narcissists, he considers himself obviously superior to those around him, as a result, he often gets fed up with his classmates but again like most narcissists, he is hollow inside so when others ridicule him he breaks down in tears like a pathetic child. These episodes usually culminate with Cartman stropping off after saying “Screw you guys, I’m going home.” David Johnson, professor of psychology described the Cartman character as “directed either toward accomplishing his own happiness, or the unhappiness of others.” These tendencies were fostered in him due to his lack of a father, his mother’s drug habits and her frequent affairs with different men. In order to make up for her failures, his mother Liane often spoils him, giving him whatever he wants no matter how absurd or extravagant the request. This is based on the fact that many parents think they can befriend their children through bribing them with material goods. This is blamed on creating selfish, entitled adults who never truly grow up.


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South Park has a remarkable way of tuning into some of the most contentious issues in contemporary society. The things that we all know inside are wrong, but that we are unwilling to change, or even recognise as being real. Cartman is the archetypal product of the modern dysfunctional, capitalist, American family. His parents had no true relationship, his mother was more concerned with drugs than with her son’s health, and what in her view was making up for it, was only working to make him morbidly obese and mentally obliterated. Like many mentally scarred people in the world, Cartman takes out his own inner pain by projecting it onto others such as Jews, hippies or the poor. He hates on them in order to alleviate some of the tension boiling and twisting within himself.


How many people in the real world do you know, that are just like that? How many real life bigots are nothing more than real Cartmans, let down by a failed family and a failed system? A society which produces narcissists and psychopaths is no society at all. It is sick, terminally ill even. It produces the worst never mind the best of humanity. For us to ever enjoy a more rational future, we need to make sure that all children are protected from failing families in order to stem the Cartman effect. Every single day, another Cartman is born. They are a threat to civilisation. Look at your average Trump voter. Are they or are they not just like Cartman? The future needs to be a Cartman free zone and the Meritocracy Party will go to any lengths to protect children from such psychological damage. The only place a Cartman should exist is within the animated frames of a South Park cartoon and never in real life.


The Gnostic Heretic writing for the Apollo Institute of Reason AIR Review©

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