Some Advice from the Rich (Satire)

The rich are the backbone of this country. They are the most gifted, diligent and apt individuals who through their endowments have soured above the common people. They built, with their own hands the factories and offices where you are working to provide you with a meaningful way of existence. Otherwise you are sure to idle away your time, become constantly drunk and drugged and finally die. They allow you to earn your sustenance humbly and diligently. They thus teach you self-discipline, respect for labor and sober life. They guarantee you work so that you can procreate. Do you imagine having family and breeding your children without the generous salaries that they pay you? After you partake in the miracle of life, thanks to your benefactors, they will help you again and teach your children how to be diligent and faithful workers too.

 

The Master Race of the Rich

They have conceded to your grandparents’ rebellious desires to rule themselves and not to be ruled by the wise rich men (such willful teenagers!) by giving them the right to vote. But out of their limitless compassion and care for you they sacrifice part of their money to steer the political process and select only those politicians, whose decisions won’t throw civilization into chaos. They endure privations to protect you from the madness of your fantasies of equality which would only bring anarchy, degeneration and disorder.

 
There is discontent and wonder among the common folk, why there is no free health care and other free social services. The answer is that the rich really want you to become efficient and productive enough to generate sufficient profit for society. Then they can take a part of your salary and put it into a health care fund, without starving you to death. Wanting to have health care now means that your salary must be reduced to the amount of your health care contribution. This means also that you will hardly earn your food. And it will result in lower motivation and even lower productivity. This vicious cycle puts in danger the profitability of society.

 
Raising efficiency is a key element to our society. Even after all the taxes that your rich benefactors pay to the state to provide you with schooling, you are not fit for your duties. Because of the insane and utopian ideas of some of your great grandparents, you study totally meaningless subjects such as mathematics, history, arts, which have no relation to the reality of the office and factory life. You study in vain and waste your time instead of building practical skills. And they dared call that “enlightenment”.

 

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That is why you still need training when you come out of school and you can’t find any work to do. Then you complain about low salaries and demand a minimum wage. A minimum wage is a great populist idea, used by some satanic enemies of society who dance around sacrificing babies and waving red flags. They dare demand that the movers and shakers of society do not hire workers for a paycheck that is lower than their satanic expectations. But these poor souls fail to grasp that in this way, the masters will simply hire less people.

 
In fact you spend too much time at school. Why idle your life and youth away when you can become a functioning member of our glorious society immediately after you climb out of the crib. You only need a basic level of literacy to start working. Most of the tasks in an average office are so routine, easy and not intellectually demanding, that they can be done by a fifth grader. Higher education should be reserved for the future rulers of society only – the progeny of the wise rich men. After all your higher education is both expensive and of no use to you. You waste educational resources which could easily be invested somewhere else. It doesn’t matter if you are ignorant of mathematics, science, philosophy and psychology. Why on earth do you need such broad, abstract and heavy subjects? You will become generalists, useless know-it-alls. And the machine of society needs narrow specialization. The more narrow-minded and dedicated to your job you are, the better. We need you to be the best at your specific task. We do not need geniuses! You may even be a complete idiot in any other area but your assigned work task. It is more than enough.

 
Children must go to work from the age of ten. Then they will have much more opportunities to develop as good professionals, to rise in the career path and contribute the most to the system.
Another way to raise your low levels of productivity is to eliminate the ridiculous rules constraining working time. You should work as long as you can. An eight-hour workday is simply not enough. Also religion is no longer a significant part of our society. God doesn’t pay your salaries after all, does he? Sundays are not holy and you don’t need a day off to go to church. Most of you even don’t even go to church but instead idle your time away. The most loyal and intelligent of you already understand that and voluntarily take overtime on workdays and are motivated enough to come to work even on weekends and holidays. We expect that motivation from all. You may be sure that those brave individuals have far surpassed you in skills and productivity. You can also be sure that they won’t ever become unemployed. They will die assured that they did their best for the profits of society. And remember – burnout is a nonsensical word invented by the satanic baby-eaters who we talked about earlier. Physical and mental fatigue is a sign that you have given your best for your department, for your employer, for the owners of your company, for capitalistic society in general. This is a fight not a party! You are toiling so that your great grandchildren may enjoy the fruit of your work.

 
However, it is reasonable to grant you a day off per week in order to fulfill your other duties – namely – to be diligent and dedicated consumers of the products that you produce. Maybe it is beyond your little minds, you cogs of the large machine, but you are useful to society not only through your work, but also through buying goods and stuff. That is the way you keep the economy going and profits rising. You must consume. Go out now and spend that salary. You should not keep anything. Imagine society as organism. Your collective work represents the feeding of that organism. Your consumption represents the processing of food, the assimilation of nutrients and the excreting of waste. When you save that salary you cause a congestion to the organism. You would not want to keep shit inside yourselves, would you? So don’t keep it in the society you live in. Because shit smells and makes everything rot. Imagine if the satanic baby-eaters amassed enough shit (money not used properly) and were able to finance the devastation of civilization!

 
After you buy enough food, open your wardrobe, throw away the clothes you bought two months ago and go and get new ones! Buy yourself the newest gadgets that you see on the media. Don’t count on the planned obsolescence of technology that we have steadily introduced into the system to guarantee that you spend nevertheless. Don’t be passive! Buy and consume, don’t wait for a product to get broken – replace it with a new one as soon as possible. It is a matter of decency that all your family members have a car. This guarantees you are honorable consumers and that you actively contribute to one of the most important industries in society – i.e – oil. Don’t listen to those satanic lefties – we won’t run out of oil soon – there is plenty of it.

 
Go to a bank and draw credits to consume even more, even beyond what you earn. Credit is the antidote of shit. If saved money congests the economics, credits speed it up, cleanses it. It is the supreme digestive. When time comes to pay your debts, just take another credit to pay the first one. In this way you create even more growth.

 

 

 

Restrain from hoarding money. Cling to your private property, but don’t invest too much into it – it will prevent you from spending.

 
There is also a worrying tendency against which I am obliged to warn you. Many families in the state tend to have only one child. This results in one child inheriting the private assets of two persons. Thus more and more wealth accumulates into fewer and fewer hands. They do not know what to do with the inherited money. It is plainly hoarding. To bequeath simply means to relinquish the duty to consume and foster society’s growth. The only thing that you must give to your children are your debts. In this way you show that you were a good citizen and consumed more in your life that you could actually earn.

 
Inheritance must be a privilege of the ruling class. Their children must inherit large assets in order to receive the finest education available and to be spared the hardships of the common folk. And remember when we talked about political guidance. You don’t want your politicians to listen to those who will eat your babies in a blood orgy. Well, foiling their plans costs money. Breeding the correct political class costs even more money. And the circuses that you call democratic elections demand even more investments from the rich. Inheritance is important and desirable only when it comes to the rich. In this way they consolidate their power for the good of society.

 
Of course there are those satanic elements (some call themselves meritocrats) who want to wreak havoc. They even propose an inheritance tax focused on the rich. They want to take 100% of all bequeathed assets above 1 million dollars. This is a direct blow to the class of the richest and most noble people in society. These antichrists want to take all the money that the rich and their fathers and forefathers have earned by the hard and ungrateful labor of collecting rents and charging interest on their investments. Through this insidious scheme they will prevent the richest from wisely guiding the political life.

 
The children of the rich, the future lords of the earth, will be treated on par with the children of the common folk. Such a humiliation. Imagine the helter-skelter when the wisest and the most talented lose the greatest evidence of their talents and wisdom – their financial might. How will they differ from the bleak masses of the common folk? How will the common folk distinguish them and give them again the rightful mandate to rule over them? Without the inherited money from their fathers, how will the heirs of capitalist tycoons continue to provide work for their employees? How will they hold on to their management positions? In this tumult everybody could become the boss. Imagine the unemployment, the riots, the raw materials crises if the uneducated and incapable working people were forced to self-organize or the chaos if everybody could start a small business. It is beyond belief.

 
100% Inheritance tax for the rich is a nightmare to our current, most progressive and humane society. It is a bane and curse. It is a weapon sure to destroy the system based on top-down control of society by unelected and unaccountable elite of super-rich families. It is the end of the pretense of people power.

 

 

Simon Vlahov writing for the Apollo Institute of Reason AIR Review©

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